For my crochet people…
About to finish a swatch this morning! New pattern. There are a few uncertainties I have with said pattern, but I’m hoping that in the end I will be in looove with it, but I’m sure we all know the difficulties of working two blankets at the exact same time, right?! Lol. More to come. I’ll add photos soon.
I only wish I knew how you felt about me, and I’m wondering how in seven years that it possibly could have changed. I know that we get piss each other off, and I know that I’m not always the easiest person to love, but you have managed to do so for years with no problems. I remember you telling me you were going to pull a Johnny Cash on me, and it didn’t matter cause you’d ask me every day to marry you until I said yes. You didn’t care. Where is this Bug. The Bug that wanted to fight for me? Maybe we have done what some couples do, maybe we have fallen out of love with each other but we just don’t want to let go. I’m not sure. But your uncertainty about wanting to marry me, hurts. Considering I remember the first time, and every time you have asked me to marry you. And each time I’ve said yes. I know something has changed in you. And you are a Marine. I know I said I could handle that, but sometimes I wonder if I can. Maybe I can’t. Maybe I’m not that strong. Maybe I’m not strong enough for you. Maybe you know this, maybe we don’t. Maybe you aren’t in love with me any more. Maybe I’m not in love with you either. But these are maybes. When did we go from this is exactly what we want to…maybe….I’m not sure…or we have things we have to figure out? It breaks my heart, but maybe we can be us again in four years. When the Corps is asking you to completely leave me out.
Right now the few things that I know for certain: this hurts. Maybes hurt. A life with out you as my man will hurt, but I will heal. You will hurt too, and you too, will heal. We will move on, and we’ll all be okay. And the last thing I know for sure, is if you don’t want me apart of your life right now, you need to say so. Don’t leave me here hoping and praying for something that won’t happen.
For right now, I’m praying that you do what is best for you and your emotions. I’m praying that you do whatever it is that you need to do. I’m praying that this is a nightmare and that soon we will be just as in love as we were the day you left for boot, the day you told me that you’d always love me. So, I’m praying for a miracle, but if I don’t get it, I’m praying for strength each day to get by with out you. Should worst come to worst.
I pray that you see just how much I love you.
I love him so much it hurts to continue to love a man who doesnt know if he still wants to get married to me. Still loves me…but may no longer be in love with me. But doesn’t want to admit it should that really be the case. I have never given up on him and I don’t want to. But if he’d be happier with out me I would gladly give him up. I’m tired. I’m hurt. And its all very confusing. Should I slowly just start to phase myself out of his life or stay there like I always have been?
Well no contact from him in a week. This is very interesting.
Sometimes…I don’t think I mean much of anything to him. He says he loves me but…when I never hear from him…I worry. And … Yeah. Just yeah. *sad
I hate it when I text him when I wake up because we haven’t talked in days. I never know when he’s at work. And generally he’s never too free with the information. And when I text him the first response I get is “I’m getting drunk with my Gunny and AVI ssgt.” Well…okay. didn’t want to talk to you or anything. So I told him to be safe. Meaning don’t sleep with anyone. Not reassure me by telling me you are with 14 marines. Not knowing how many of them are female marines. So doing my best to not freak out on any level. But I do worry about him. I hate that he drinks so much more than he used to. Mainly because now he never tells me what he does and it worries me. Because before he used to be so open with me…and now…hah. that a laugh. He’s like Fort Knox and I have to pry anything and everything from him. Ugh. I’m annoyed.
my page a whole heck of a lot. Things will be different for a while, just trying to work out all my html stuffs now. =3 Thanks for being patient!! ♥
I am no longer editing! I am done! YAY! I’m so glad to have found something I truly LOVE!
Has finally set in. Everything between Kris and I are fine. It’s been rough here lately, but it’s turning out decently so far.